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July 6, 2017

4-Step Guide to a Heartbreak

When is the last time you were heartbroken?

My last heartbreak was in 2012. My girlfriend had something with my best friend, and it affected me greatly. I will tell you more details when we meet.

Most of us have been heartbroken. And more than a necessary evil, I believe heartbreak is essential in the growth of a man, of a seducer. I know the heartbreak grounded me in a way I am very grateful for.

Here is my 4-step guide to get over AND make the most of a heartbreak:

1. Take your time.

Decide that this time is glorious with great opportunities. Don’t try to beat your time. Accept that this will take time, and decide to spend that time well.
I see in hindsight, there is no way to shortcut the time that is needed to get over a hearbreak. You have to get through it, all by yourself. It took me a couple of years really (!) and for me, the moment I knew I was completely over the ordeal, was when I met a woman, whom I thought was even greater.

2. Feel as much as you are invited to feel.

Don’t ignore the pain, don’t avoid the pain… go right through it.
Life seems to me in many ways about the amount of tension we can fix in ourselves, so go there as much as you can.
I remember I would seek out my girlfriend and my friend in order to really feel that pain. It was gut wrenching, and it made me feel alive. I am happy I did it.

3. Share.

Talk with your friends. Write to them. Blurt whatever you are feeling. Share with anyone who wants to listen.
I remember I went to Japan after a couple of weeks, and there, I continued to articulate my feelings, share them with anyone who wanted to listen. People I had never met. It always felt like a relief. Like I was slowly but surely lifting a burden of my shoulder.

4. Use your feelings to create.

Make music, write poetry, write letters, make videos…
The strong feelings have strong creative power.
In Japan, I wrote my first album. I remember sitting there and writing music. I had met a woman who did not speak English, and we would sit and I would play music to her and we would drink sake … and it saved me. She saved me. The creation and her being there, listening. It was magical.

(You can listen to that album here).

Heartbreak done well can be a glorious chapter in your life.
I know it was in mine.



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