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August 22, 2017

Commitment Will Set You Free

I commit. I thrive on commitments. I believe they are the cornerstone of every relationship.

Just not in the way most assume it…

When I speak about commitments, I am not talking about the vague, presupposition-ridden and half-assed ‘we’ll see how it goes’ kind of commitment that is rampant in our day and age.

To me, commitment means something different in at least two ways.

One, a commitment means that the alternative is no longer an option.
When I commit to finishing my book, not finishing the book is no longer an option. I will work towards it until it is done.
When I commit to taking responsibility for my own happiness, I will never blame you for the way I feel.
When we commit to connection, I will stay and try to make it work, no matter what.

Because the alternative is no longer an option, a commitment like that will set you free.

Two, to make a commitment is a very deliberate act.
Since the alternative is no longer an option, it becomes very important what it is exactly that you commit to.
And so, this deliberate act requires careful consideration and clarity. The commitment must be understood, and may therefor require for you to articulate it explicitly, announce it, or have it agreed upon by the other.

I love the idea of exchanging vows in a relationship for example, but they are a far cry from the traditional inconsiderate vows too many marriages seem to be founded upon. (If you have any doubts about that, ask 10 married couples about their vows, and count how many of them have clarity about the promises they made to each other … for life!)

In my relationships, I commit to doing everything I can to keep myself happy.
I commit to not holding the other responsible for my happiness.
I commit to non-violent communication.
I commit to avoid criticism, blaming, judging, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling.
I commit to connection.
I commit to rawness.

Would you commit that?

Hans Comyn

p.s. Read more here.


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