How to Compliment a Woman

Have you ever seen a good-looking woman react to praise by withdrawing?

You work up the nerve to tell her “You are beautiful,” and she reacts to your praise by distancing herself…
Does it feel rude to you? Do you feel rejected?
Why would she do that?

Well… why wouldn’t she?

Think about it… why would she make an effort when you already praised her? Why would she contribute to the seduction, when she is already ‘beautiful’? Because you are a nice guy? Because you deserve something in return for your compliment?

People do not care about you, they only care about how you make them feel.

The tragedy of many good-looking women is that they never get the opportunity to seduce. Many good-looking women do not know how to be beautiful, because they never had to. They never had a chance to become beautiful, to seduce, because men trained them that way… with their empty praise.

I am not making excuses for the women, some of the greatest women I met in my life were both good-looking and beautiful and seductive – I am only trying for men and women to understand each other better.

I call it empty praise because that “You are beautiful” has often more to do with him than it has to do with her.
In many cases, his praise serves as a hidden attempt to get something in return from her, or at least lift his own self-esteem by showing off what a ‘lover of women’ he is.
When this happens, his praise does very little for her sense of self… and even less for the seduction at play.

Empty praise is non-seductive because it is ultimately a form of indifference.
When he shows off what a ‘lover of women’ he is, he shifts his attention away from this moment with her, he stops seeing and considering this girl and her world, what she feels, what she aches for, what is needed for her to be seduced.
When he praises her that way, he loses his number one seductive quality… his presence.

How can you change this?

Stop praising a woman just because she is good-looking.
Instead, if you decide to praise her, praise her when and for doing something really difficult, like moving through the world with beauty and grace, like being joyful, like being non-judgemental, like not being jaded but open and curious…

Praising her for doing something difficult shows that you see her, that you are considering her and her world. Praising her for doing something difficult shows that you are present with her, and presence is your number one seductive quality.

Presence is your number one seductive quality because, more than praise, we all crave the feeling of being heard, of being seen, of being felt. We all crave the feeling that someone is trying to think about us, that someone is considering us, and we crave that feeling more than we crave praise.

She does not need your empty praise, she needs your presence.

Hans Comyn